Good Morning folks,
I am just checking in with all of you to let you know that I am doing fine since the turn of events of "the Rona virus". Before the Rona hit us like a Tsunami I had 3 shows booked and ready to perform. I was able to complete one show which was the beautiful energy of Soul In The Horn in New York City's Chelsea Music Hall. It was an amazing time once we got there. However leading up to the gig was full of uncertainty, drama, employee changes, and then The Rona. Which left me like this...
I had no time to react to , losing 2 background singers the night before the NY show due to drama that they were experiencing with each other. I had no time to work in detail with the remaining background singer who took the place of another early in the game due to conflicting schedules. I had no time to react to the fact that the 2 background singers that I lost were also drivers of the agreed upon carpool to NY. I had to remember that I couldn't fix everyone's issues that night because I still had a show to put on the next evening and still had to figure out how to fix the mess that was made by their abrupt departure. I could not show emotion when I realized that I lost money due to the amount paid for the AIRBNB accommodations in NY. I could not crawl in a ball and die when I received news that the 2 shows I was to perform in during SXSW was canceled due to the Rona . I could not scream and cuss when the airline refused to refund my flight tickets and gave me a credit instead and last but not least being inevitably quarantined for safety precautions.
Yes all of this happened before New York. Literally the night before New York. As a band leader you have to take the gut punches and still get up. I was worried that my debut in NY was going to be half cocked. I created a sound that includes strong backing vocals and electric energy on stage. I had to figure out how in the hell am I going to pull this off with just myself and one other person? Lucky for me my keyboard player is a singer and he filled in with the harmony. During these stressful moments I really had to do my flying monk thing. Physically there but out of my body so I didn't feel anything .
It was really about finding a solution and making shit happen for better or worst. I didn't have enough edibles to keep me sleep on the road to NY. I was too nervous and my mind was still processing all that happened. Upon our arrival I was emotionally drained but forced myself to remain positive. I had my tribe of folks there who were attentive to me but not overbearing . They know when its game time I refuse to be coddled. We rehearsed and I pretty much settled into the reality that this was going to go however it went. When we arrived at the Chelsea Music Hall and those doors opened it was like electricity and I felt like I was home in spirit with these strangers. Everything was purple and pink . Lights were flashing and the scent of Palo Santo permeated the air.
photo By T-Money Kelsie
While I was being introduced on stage I literally felt dizzy and nausea took me over I had to lay my head down on the side of the DJ booth. I haven't felt that nervous in years. The Hospitality of the curator D Prosper was not only amazing he actually calmed me down before stepping on stage with kind words of encouragement .
We did what we could do with what we had and NEW YORK opened its arms and said "WELCOME" . I was overwhelmed with love and adoration from these in the Soul In the Horn Tribe. I felt that although they had no idea what it took to get me here they made sure I felt welcomed and I made sure they were entertained.
photo By T-Money Kelsie
photo by BronxVinyl funkpop
We were literally going with the flow. Giving each other notes and cues onstage. If I went into my pattern of overthinking I would have declared NY a bust because it wasn't what I planned for my onstage show. However the SITH (soul in the horn) Tribe lifted me up .
On top of that the organizer for the SXSW shows came out that night to support and I was so blessed to see him. Although I felt bummed about my opportunity getting derailed to perform in Texas I assured him that all matter of events happens for a reason and the Universe holds the reasons for the why. After the show I stood outside and looked at my tribe. These folks held me down . I could have been an emotional wreck but all of them collectively and individually encouraged me and held me up.
photo by Ed Beale
I stayed in NY for another day. The city gives me creative life. It frees me in ways internally that allows for creativity to blossom. After my return from NY the Rona shut everything down and I came back home to some serious situations that I had to resolve. My joy was short lived after New York until I resolved this situation. I spoke to my keyboard player and producer on the phone and we both agreed NY did something for us both and we wanted to keep that high. We wanted to stay in that place of creative bliss. But reality hits hard as fuck when we returned. It was a challenge to stay creative so I waited a week. I refused to force it.
I literally sat on my sofa for 2 days and vegged out . I rested then it happened. All the events for the past 3 months came crashing down on me like a hard unexpected rain.
I felt feelings of anger, doubt, insecurity , panic. I acknowledged all that I felt. I looked at my husband and he asked me if I was OK and I said no . I started to cry. I mean ugly cry feeling a sense of relief that I could cry I didn't have to hold up the strength anymore . He held me and hugged me and we talked about it. Most creatives went into panic after the quarantine because jobs were lost. The virtual show revolution began and I honestly didn't feel I needed to join it. This was my time to collect, plan, create and work on my inner self and my body. The patience I am being taught at this point is different from before. The patience I bragged about having involved denial of emotions, putting on a strong front , isolation and almost no communication. The patience I am embracing now requires acknowledgement , accountability , and universal trust . Things will pan out however they are supposed to . When u learn the lessons u change the way you move, respond, and react. Whats next ?
Well a live Q&A on Instagram .lets chat folks :) Love u all more than u know,.
Be sure to download "The BP" on all streaming services and check out the video for "The BP " on YouTube.